18 Dec The 2 Secrets to Happiness
Depressed, exhausted, starving, sweaty and anxious.
That’s how I was feeling as I walked towards a big investor pitch meeting on a muggy day in June of 2013. I had had the WORST day so far – I had woken up early to take a train from NYC to Washington DC, and while on the train I had found out we’d just lost a $250,000 customer.
Determined to eat my way to feeling better, I had looked up the top rated sushi restaurant in Washington and once I arrived, had walked 25 minutes in 85 degree weather to get there, only to find out the restaurant was closed for renovations.
Without time to find a new place for lunch, I headed towards my investor pitch meeting and was a block away when a homeless man approached me and asked me for spare change. As I made eye contact and reached into my pocket, I saw his face light up with anticipation. But I didn’t have any change on me. I reached for my wallet instead, but to my dismay, I didn’t have any small bills either – only a $50 bill. I quickly had to decide – shrug, apologize and keep moving, or hand him a $50.
I decided in the moment to hand him the $50.
And you would have thought that man won the lottery! Jumping up and down, smile ear-to-ear, asking to hug me, genuinely joyful and appreciative and grateful. His mood instantly improved. And so did mine! I went from feeling depressed and anxious to feeling happy and grateful and excited.
20 minutes later I got a commitment from the investor for $500,000.
Acts of kindness are one secret to happiness.
Later that year, when researching for my 2nd book, Likeable Business (best reviewed and worst-selling, it turns out everyone judges a book by its cover), I interviewed several dozen very successful CEO’s to find out what made them so successful. I was shocked to learn that it wasn’t toughness, or determination, or resilience that I found most often. No – the most common trait I noticed amongst those I interviewed was gratitude.
One leader of a 7,000 person company wrote a dozen thank you cards each day. Another made a daily gratitude list. Another went to bed each night naming 10 things he was grateful for. Another leader I spoke with said, “Gratitude makes for happier, more productive employees – and a happier me!”
It turns out, the second secret to happiness is gratitude.
When we practice gratitude and acts of kindness, we get out of our own heads and gain more perspective. When we are focused on others, it’s much easier to let go of anger or sadness. We then feel good about the very acts of kindness and gratitude we’re practicing – and that puts us in a better mood.
And it gets even better! We all have mirror neurons in our brains that literally mirror the mood of the person we’re talking to. When we’re kind to or grateful for someone, they become happier – and then our mirror neurons fire off and we become even happier.
For the best 12 years I’ve worked hard to integrate gratitude practices and acts of kindness into my daily life. It’s not always easy – but it always makes me happier! I was put to the test this very week. I felt hurt and betrayed by someone in business who I had trusted – and a series of related events left me feeling really low over a period of several days.
I ramped up my gratitude practices and my acts of kindness. I even called my mother-in-law. (Kidding, Da, love you!) And sure enough, my mood improved dramatically.
As I write this, I am grateful for my family, my health, my friends, my customers, my team, my mentors, my mentees, and my readers. I’m grateful for YOU! And I’m happy.
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